Vikings Having a Rough Year, Preparing for Possibility of Getting Teb-owned

EDIT: I just want to say that although my writing about the Vikings will continue to emphasize the fact that we suck, it needs to be understood that the difference in talent level between the best team and the worst team in the NFL is almost nada. This is why teams like the Broncos and Bengals can be in the bottom 5 one year and the playoffs the next. It only takes a few bounces the other way and a handful of different calls on offense or defense to turn a 3-7 team into a 7-3 team. So whenever I refer to the Vikings 'sucking' as a collective, it's not necessarily an indictment on the players' talent or effort level as much as it's just an observation of how things have gone this year. Sometimes once you get a rock rolling downhill, it's tough to stop. That's just how the year has gone for us and doesn't mean we don't have what it takes to be a good team with a handful of minor changes. Oh, and a completely overhauled secondary and offensive line. Thanks for reading.

Hello all, nice to see your faces again! I don't want to apologize again for being AWOL from the blogosphere, but I do feel bad about it. Especially since judging by the 2-3 views I see this joint getting every few days, which indicates I have at least 2-3 loyal readers. Maybe. I appreciate y'all if you're out there.

It's nearing the end of the semester here at school, so naturally things are getting a little hectic. I guess my life right now feels a little bit like how I imagine the Vikings themselves are feeling every Sunday: a little burnt out. It's tough to write week in and week out about a team that seems to do just about the same thing every week; it just doesn't make for interesting writing. I've still been there to watch every game, but between working 30-40 hours a week on a night shift, having school during the day and recently purchasing Call of Duty: MW3,  it can be hard at times to want to dedicate the little free time I have to write about (and therefore, basically relive) the games that we continue to lose by shooting ourselves in the foot with penalties, lack of adequate personnel and boneheaded plays.

If anything requires an apology, it's probably that  last sentence above. What an unholy fucking lung full of words that is. But you know what? I'm not going to change it.  Kind of the way the Vikings don't seem to change much of what they do week to week.  I'll give a quick summary of the last couple of games, about which I have said nothing.

Packer Game: We got our asses thoroughly kicked. Reamed, even. You see my post below this one? That's really all I had to say. They shut down our run, they demolished our pitiful excuses of an offensive line/secondary, and basically killed any semblance of a will to win that the Vikings had by the time the first quarter was over. I called in sick to work just so I could see this game, so I almost feel like the Vikings owe me a refund for my lost wages while I fell asleep midway through the 4th quarter of this beatdown. It was dreadful to watch and on top of it the MNF crew was especially relentless in their constant praise for the Packers and their quarterback. DID YOU KNOW THAT AARON RODGERS LIKES TO THROW WHERE CORNERS ARENT LOOKING?! WHAT A TRICKSTER. HOW ABOUT THAT TED THOMPSON? DOES THIS GUY KNOW HOW TO BUILD A TEAM THE RIGHT WAY OR WHAT? Oh, and Kyle Rudolph had a nice catch.

Raider Game: This was a close game until a brutal sequence of events. At about the 11-minute mark in the second quarter, we were in the red zone driving for what could have become either a 10-3 or 14-3 lead when Ponder throws a terrible pick into double coverage at the 5 yard line, returned to the 47. Raiders drive a short field and score a touchdown (10-7 Raiders). Vikings get the ball back, march back into enemy territory, only to have a botched field goal attempt. Raiders score again on a short field (17-7 Raiders). On the ensuing kick return, (we're sitting at about 1:30 left in the half at this point) Lorenzo Booker loses a fumble deep in our territory, allowing the Raiders yet another short field with which to push the lead to 24-7 at halftime.

Maybe that isn't a sequence of events to some people, it's just a terrible quarter of football. Either way, it was god-awful to watch. The second half consisted of the Raiders doing their best to hand us the game, but Christian Ponder (who I like, by the way) kept pushing it back towards them. All three of his turnovers were in a red zone. Two he threw deep in Raider territory and cost us points, and the other was deep in our own territory and gave the Raiders points. All 3 interceptions displayed awful decision making. Adrian Peterson also got injured after a promising start to the game and has yet to return to the field. Overall, the entire game was basically like a dumpster fire, if the dumpster on fire was the one behind the abortion clinic that all the aborted fetuses are deposited into.

Falcons Game: This game was truly a clinic on how a good team should beat a terrible one. The Falcons dominated the time of possession battle for the first half, holding the ball for more than 20 minutes and imposing their will on a porous Viking defense. By halftime, we were down 17-0 and not much hope remained for a team missing it's leading man in AP. Percy Harvin did his best Tim Tebow impression and tried to carry the team back on his own, but we fell short. The only reason we were really in this game anyways was because of an idiotic special teams player on the Falcons missing a fire call and getting hit by a bouncing punt deep in their own territory and an unexplainable 4th and 13 touchdown pass from Ponder to Harvin where for some reason a linebacker was lined up against Percy. We also had the longest non-scoring play in NFL history. Nobody almost scores like us. I imagine on that return, Percy's life soundtrack would've gone from:

WHO GON' STOP ME HUH?

To...



OH NO, NOOO!

Anyway, that should bring us up to speed. This week we are facing the Denver Broncos. If you haven't heard, Tim Tebow is their quarterback. I like Tim Tebow. If you don't like Tim Tebow, you truly are a hater. He's a nice guy. I've never read anything bad about him, anywhere. He's one of the few players in the NFL that you know without question is giving full effort on every play and is there because he loves the game. That said, I do hate how ESPN will not shut the fuck up about him ever. I get it, his name creates buzz. But since he took the reins, their offense has only scored more than 17 points once. They are 5-1 in that span. If you had no idea who was on a team that went 5-1 over a stretch, and their offense only scored over 17 once in that span, would you credit the wins to the offense or the defense? Exactly.

Of course it isn't that simple. From the games that I have watched, the offensive line gives Tebow years of time to sit in the pocket. It takes Tim a little bit more time than your average NFL quarterback to make it through his reads and progressions, so on the few passes they do attempt, he really needs it. Tebow doesn't turn the ball over (1 time in 6 games), so now people have shifted from "he is inaccurate and doesn't hit his receivers with regularity" to "his passes are so inaccurate, not only does he not hit his receivers, but he completely misses any form of human life!" Sometimes something that is a perceived as negative can end up as a positive.

Their run game has been the fixture of the offense since Tebow has come in, which should be a good sign for the Purple. We currently rank 9th in rush yards allowed, and are still clinging to the reputation of a staunch run defense built by the Williams Wall. Sometimes I think that's more of offenses simply choosing to pass instead of run, and yards allowed is really not one of the most indicative statistics in the NFL of anything. Just ask last year's Chargers, who ended the year #1 in yards on offense AND defense, yet didn't make the playoffs. Willis McGahee has enjoyed somewhat of a career revival this year as well. He's a Miami alum, so that makes me happy. Eric Decker is Tebow's favorite receiver when they do pass, and he will have a little homecoming Sunday, as he is a graduate of the University of Minnesota and grew up in Cold Spring.

The defense is led by defensive rookie of the year race leader Von Miller, who has 10.5 sacks, Elvis Dumervil, and Champ Bailey, and have really helped keep the team in games when the offense isn't clicking. They held the Chargers to only 13 points last week, so I'm sure our offense will have its hands full this week. This should be a close game. I believe this is one the Vikings can win, despite their horrid play over the past few weeks. Tebow Magic can't last forever, can it? Who am I kidding. We will blow this one too.

Prediction: Broncos 20, Vikings 14

If AP was playing, I'd give us the nod. But we've looked like shit on a stick the past two weeks without him outside of Percy and CP7. I think Von Miller and Dumervil will take advantage of our two traffic cone tackles and be chasing Christian Ponder all over the field, and I really just think the Vikings suck this year. They kinda sucked at the beginning of the year when we were healthy. Now we are missing 3/4 of our starting secondary, one of our top receivers, and a couple offensive linemen. I love them, but they just have sucked donkey balls for about 90% of the season. So keep losing. At this point in the season, it will only make us better for next year. It hurts to watch, but I will watch nonetheless. Bring da pain.

Just how deep can shit get? Deep as the abyss.